


For Walking Around

by V_mum



Series: Kaayras Adaar [7]
Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Child Abandonment, Cole Tries To Help as usual, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Minor canon divergence, Qunari Children, Qunari Culture and Customs, Tal-Vashoth, between cannon occurrences, homophobic references ft dorian backstory, more like, not really - Freeform, some qunlat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-31
Updated: 2019-10-31
Packaged: 2021-01-15 22:23:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21260594
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/V_mum/pseuds/V_mum
Summary: “Ah. seems we’re getting into far too many questions for my comfort-”“Just spit it out, man, before this conversation gets ugly.”Kaayras lets out a laugh- 'well i certainly missed the joke', Dorian thinks.





	For Walking Around

Dorian Pavus, previously of the Tevinter Imperium and currently of the Inquisition, is a proud man. Grates on everyone’s nervous, but he's not quiet about his pride. Or his opinions. His thoughts. His rugged charms. His interest in others (or lack thereof.)

Kaayras Adaar, previously of the Qunari and currently of the Inquisition and Tal Vashoth,  _ looks _ like a proud man. Stepping around the eggshells of everyone else's nerves, he's incredibly quiet about any pride he may there have. If he has opinions, they're oft set aside for ‘order’ and ‘fairness’. His thoughts are often kept inside, unless you ask for them specifically. he is equally quiet about his genuine interests. and has never not used his looks for depreciative humor given the slightest opportunity.

About the only thing they have in common, dare he say, is a false overconfidence demonstrated through flirtatious behavior, and a possibly unsated love life. 

And, of course, they are both pariahs of their original kin and kind. There's that.

And they agree- Dorian  _ thinks _ , at least, that they agree on some larger matters. Like Tevinter is bad. And Red Lyrium is bad. Maybe they agree mages should not be slaves to the people or templars, even if magic is ‘for serving mankind’- a view that their respective ex-kin strongly disapprove of their stance on.

The point is, they're both incredibly similar- and  _ yet _ , borderline opposites. Dorian is glad of it- Kaayras Adaar is fairly easy to get along with, because of their similarities, but yet very interesting, because of their differences. Even if it is difficult to pry interesting conversation from the man, sometimes. 

Dorian’s fairly certain the inquisitor feels the same way about him- being interesting and easy to get along with, that is. Of all the mages in the inquisition’s inner circle, Dorian finds himself in the Forward Party most often, roaming about the battlefields with a lead brute of an inquisitor companion known for dicing up enemies left and right, with a ridiculous sense of style, and an obsession for wearing thick heavy clothing, even in the hotest of climates. Gloves and long sleeves and a scarf, in the desert! A travesty! If not of fashion, then of self preservation from heat stroke!

Then again, he isn't surprised he's the “Favorite Mage” (so dubbed by a joking Varric). For the one out of the three that comes from an ‘evil’ foreign power, he's the most friendly, and the least of a judging asshole. He’d hoped he’d have more interesting conversations with the inner mages, but Vivienne can be a bore to talk to (reminds him of back home, in the least favorable ways, up until she starts acting like mages should be imprisoned for life and sounds more like a Persecuting Templar). Solas, while intriguing, and an interesting fountain of wisdom at times, is quite bitter on behalf of Dorians heritage. And seems more happy in the company of spirits than anyone this side of the veil. Their friendliest conversations seem to be politely digging at each other's style- be it his flashy style, or Solas’ horrible unwashed apostate hobo ‘look’- or trading magic theory and ideas. Admittedly, it's better conversation than petty and aggressive commentary traded with Vivienne. He can deal with that, sure, whatever, he’s heard worse from his family’s gardener, but it's not quite a basis for friendship, not really. At best, an ally in Court or The Game.

Kindness and Friendlessness must be in short among mages, for some reason. 

Luckily, the qualities aren't  _ completely  _ absent from the inquisition, and Kaayras does seem to look for that in his closest company. Thankfully, a blessing, its most common in his forward party, as well. Which is wise- good appearances and all to those they meet.

Usually, the forward party consists of the Inquisitor, Dorian himself, and some combination of a warrior and a support. Either Bull or Cassandra, usually, fill the former position, and while they’re both not the merciful sort, they have their own kind charms. Bull certainly is his favorite of the two- a  _ delight _ . Especially when Dorian and Bull and the Inquisitor are all out together. The conversation turns out to be 90% flirtatious, overconfident, good natured humor passed around in some comical love triangle. 

The latter position is the support, and it depends on where exactly they’re going who fills it. Going into  _ civil _ territory like Val Royeaux, Kaayras typically enlists Sera. A bit funny, honestly, given Sera isn't the most  _ civil _ , but she's good at the area and very handy. And kind in her own right, too, unless they’re dealing with someone wealthy. 

But when its out into the field, it's almost  _ always _ Cole. 

Given the company, that works very well, too. It’s a strongly functioning team, dare Dorian say it. At worst, back in the earliest, Cassandra and Cole found civil disagreement, but the two are getting along a bit better, and only growing on one another with time, ocasionally talking about ethics in a manner Dorian would relate to an older sister speaking to a lost younger child. Not that Dorian himself has any siblings to compare such a concept to, but the point is, it works; the team operates smoothly, these days, with few hiccups between the normal line up.

Both diplomatically,  _ and _ it battle.

Iron Bull, standing in the center of a warring battlefield, roaring and swinging a massive sword or hammer, protected by Dorian with a barrier from where he’s perched nearby on a high point; occasionally summoning up some wayward spirit to cause mayhem and horror along side the raging bull. And in the chaos, two of the sneakiest bastards Dorian’s ever seen; Cole flitting around the battlefield in the blink of an eye, tasked as Kaayras instructed him in strategy meetings to focus  _ most _ on taking out anyone who approaches Dorian while he’s busy casting defenses and backup spells and unguarded in focus; Kaayras the offensive of the two rogues, knocking out the biggest enemies with sleep powder or a raw slam on the head and dropping them again entirely with a well placed blade.

Bull and Cole even have a fitting system, working on their own, the Ambush technique where Bull distracts the attention of some great massive Dragon or Giant, and as Cole puts it, “1, 2, 3, daggers in darkness” and flays the wings or chops into the achilles tendons. Just as effective against non-massive humanoid targets. Cole and Kaayras operate well together, too- the  _ forward  _ of the forward party, the two of them slipping into the shadows and sliding first into a room, taking out most important or most dangerous targets before the fighting even starts, Dorian and Bull waiting outside the doors for the fleeting rush of the rest of the enemy fleeing, or storming in after, when the enemy is already in panic.

They operate well- the downside is, unfortunately, Dorian gets dragged out into forsaken hellscapes like the bogs of the Fallow Mire or the freezing Frostbacks at an unbearable frequency. 

The plus side is interesting conversation, though. 

Cole makes  _ very _ interesting conversation.

“So, you’re not  _ possessing _ a human body, Cole?” started a brilliantly interesting one, late night in one of their travels. 

And Cole doesn't mind questions- marvelous, since his mere existence warrants  _ many  _ questions from anyone who’s even half an idea of what the kid  _ is. _

“Yes.” 

“But a spirit's true form is always monstrous, or at least unnatural.”

“The world doesn't make sense to them. It's too real. That's why they look wrong.”

“And… this is how you  _ want  _ to look?”

“I want to help.  _ Looking _ doesn't matter.”

That’d be the end of it, seeing as Dorian didn't have a response and his question had been answered (sort of, but that's the best you can hope for from Cole), but it also ends there when the Inquisitor makes a low grunt. 

Borders very closely on a  _ scoff _ .

About the angriest opinion the Qunari man has ever announced without some sort of  _ permission _ , or being invited to speak.

It certainly deadens the conversation pretty quickly, an awkward silence as they dredge through the Mire, patterned with rain and the foul smell of rot. Dorian exchanges an impulsive look with Bull, and does so again immediately when Cole’s nervous tic of fidgeting with the bare threaded ends of his sleeves begins. It was a fresh new set of armour, when they’d left Skyhold; already Cole had worn through the ends. The rigorousness the kid starts picking and pulling threads loose with his wrapped hands, though, is a sharp tell the inquisitor is less than happy and Cole is sensing the brunt of it at the moment.

Of course, Cole’s sense for not continuing a conversation that’s soured isn't… well practiced. 

“People know you want to help them. Looking doesn't matter.”

The inquisitor, as one would expect of him, doesn't respond at all.

Cole’s head tilts down anyway, and the speed of nimble fingers tear all the quicker at the cloth of his sleeves.

“I’ve made you angry.” the group impulsively pulls their weapons in tandem, as a trio of sword wielding corpses start crawling from the marsh onto the land. “I'm sorry.” 

And then weapons are flying, and that's the end of it for real.

There's plenty of other fun conversations to be had, but, not that night. It's mostly quiet, aside from the carving of flesh, war cries, casting of magic, yelled battlefield orders. Cole seems done on talking, Kaayras is dealing with himself, so Bull and Dorian throw grief and flirts and innuendo back and forth until they’ve saved the inquisition soldiers to fill the awkward hollow of silence, making attempts to coax Kaayras into joining as he would normally, or hopefully expecting Cole to ask those goofy obnoxious questions about what any of it means. 

No, it's distastefully quiet from either, up until the morning they finally depart from the god forsaken mire’s camp, assured they’ve done what they can in the area for now, and picked it clean of scraps they’ll sell, rifts to seal and enemies that need to be vanquished. 

Between flirtatious jokes that thankfully Kaayras joins once again as they take to the royal roads (evidence whatever upsetting process of mind he's been stuck in has dissipated) and Dorians loud unabashed complaints that he’ll have mud in places for weeks or such drawing laughter, they’re half way home. they’ve just left their rations and rest stop in Redcliffe, leaving the hinterlands straight for skyhold. when Cole finally opts to join conversation again, too. A blessing- the last traces of the previous upset are cleared, then.

“Dorian, you said I could ask you questions.”

Ugh. Perhaps not as much of a blessing as he’d anticipated.

Cole is, if nothing else, good for interesting conversations. But apparently, he doesn't know how to  _ not _ blast full speed from the proverbial starting gates. “It's true.” he agrees, with a sigh. “I did say that.”

Cole doesn't detect his tone, or ignores it, and continues, “Why are you so angry at your father? He wants to help and you know he does, but-”

Bull groans- absolutely not excited for another long, annoying silence to follow  _ this  _ loaded topic. More than likely not wanting a silence where the only other member of the group not sucked into it, Adaar, will be on the silent side. There’ll be no disrupting the awkwardness with ease if its Dorian who’s shutting up.

“I'm not certain I can explain it to you.” Dorian says, firmly and quickly, taking advantage of Bull’s interruption.

“You love him, but you're angry. They mix together, boiling in the belly until it kneads into a knot.” Cole’s frustrated, Dorian watches his hands squeeze at his sides, trying to figure out a tangle he wants to fix. 

Dorian was being honest. He doesnt think he can begin to explain it to him. “Sometimes... sometimes love isn't enough, Cole.”

And it's quiet again- for a while. Not very long. 

" _ Love isn't enough. _ Enough what? You didn't explain, Dorian.”

He sighs. “I was rather hoping I had.” he doesnt think he can explain it, and he wished Cole could have figured it out, because he doesnt think he has anything else he can say on it.

“His face in the stands, watching as I pass the test. So proud there's tears in his eyes. Anything to make him happy. Anything.” after a pause, thinking, rethinking, thinking thrice on it, unintentionally leaving the memory and feeling to fester in the air, no one else wanting to speak on it. “Why isn't that true anymore?”

Dorian’s more bothered that he can  _ hear  _ it in his voice- the upset in his responses to the spirit, that he actually sounds upset at all, then he is upset at Cole for asking, in all honesty. “Cole, this… is not the sort of discussion for walking around. Please drop it.”

Cole, though, doesn't seem done on the topic. He tries again, fingers fidgeting.

“I'm hurting you, Dorian. Words winding, wanting, wounding. You said I could ask.”

Ah. that's better than continuing insistent questions, at least. 

He sighs, quiet. “I know I did. The things you ask are just... very personal.”

“But it hurts. I want to help, but it's all tangled with the love. I can't tug it loose without tearing it.”  _ Vishante kaffas _ , Cole, then dont _ tug _ . “You hold him so tightly. You let it keep hurting, because you think hurting is who you are. Why would you do that?”

Dorian’s turn, now, to groan. “Can someone tell him to stop? Banish him back to the Fade or something!” seriously, anything, because he  _ really _ doesnt have more to offer to this… interrogation. He vaguely feels the taste of panic on the back of his tongue, and it tastes like bile before he smothers it like a fire spell he doesn't need anymore. He knows Cole doesn’t  _ mean  _ harm, but he’d really appreciate a rescue.  _ Quickly.  _

Invited into the conversation vocally, now, Kaayras has whatever ‘permission’ he needs to step in and does so, swiftly. Dorian braces himself for the Qunari’s usual stance of neutrality, a stance that won't  _ really _ help.

“Cole, it's time to back off.”

Oh,  _ Fasta vass _ , he loves that man, beautiful man. A shred of a well-minded opinion, an actual taking of a side. Excellent. Striking. Out of the ordinary, and Outstanding.

“I'm sorry.” Cole’s hat dips, and his hands tighten into fists. “I keep making it worse. Making  _ things  _ worse.”

_ UGH _ . Well, what's he supposed to do with that kind of dejection? He feels bad for the kid, stumbling into two rough conversations, all in one trip.

“No, I'm sorry. Of course you don't understand. Just... leave me with it. for now.”

Blessings, Cole grants him that, and leaves him with his thoughts, leaves the topic alone. Dorian’s not excited to think about his family, his father, the rest of his trip; nor excited to watch Cole fidget all nervous in reaction to his every complicated thought.

“Kaayras.” Cole tries, instead. No one in the party is optimistic that, while Cole’s left Dorian’s conversation alone, that  _ this  _ will be any better than what Cole’d abandoned. “I can ask  _ you  _ questions too, you said.”

Kaayras scratches the back of his neck, looking over his shoulder to Cole. He gives him a smile; “Yes, Cole, I did.”

“Do  _ you  _ think you can explain?”

_ Kaffas _ , Cole.

Cole shoots Dorian a glance- having  _ heard  _ his thought, the little mind reader, and opens his mouth to correct himself. 

“Not… not explain that.” and Cole looks back to the inquisitor, hat tipped up to look at the tallest man, who leads their group up the front with steadfast steps the somehow make not a sound. “Can you explain why  _ you _ are so angry at  _ your _ parents?”

Now, Dorian’s just pulling up into the exasperation of ‘ _ oh boy, another intrusive awkward conversation’ _ , before he notices the immediate intensity thats descended on the group. and he doesn't get it.

Surely, it can't be  _ that  _ bad. It’s not like the Qunari have the mind numbing Courts that the rest of the world offers, where kids are crushed for the smallest of individuality. They’re quite hive minded- and oddities are good there, when your growing up, aren't they? That's how they get the good jobs. 

Of course, then, after a few seconds, Dorian recalls: Qunari, actually, don't have  _ parents _ . He’s heard so from Bull, himself. And from people who talk about their qunari enemies back home- those big, horrible qunari, ripping children away from their parents! It's framed like a horror story in the imperium, it is. Not that it's all that better than selective breeding and grooming and using magic to  _ fix _ your children.

That aside- Qunari don't have  _ parents _ . 

“I don't understand. Why are you upset?” Cole asks into a silence so dense, he almost echoes. 

Dorian is quite curious, himself. Juicy gossip? What is this, some sort of Qunari scandal?

Kaayras is thinking. He takes long enough to respond to normal things, they all know that. But the hike in his breathing, the tight gloved fists- you don't have to be a Qunari spy or a mind reading spirit like his companions to recognize panic. Kaayras is thinking, and Dorian’s more than certain he’s going to spit out a lie in the end, if it’s not one of those horrible rotten flirtatious jokes that aren't like the good ones. 

“A bone to pick with your- hm, what do they call those? Tamaran?” Dorian offers, before Kaayras hurts himself thinking so hard. Comical as that would be. Plus, Kaayras  _ had  _ just taken his side, so he’ll take Adaar’s in return; only the right thing to do.

“ _ Tamassran. _ ” Bull is the one who corrects him. Sharp. Needle sharp.

Despite Dorian’s best efforts, the word doesn't give the massive man the out the mage was trying to give him. 

“My Tamassran was fine.” he says quick, and then makes a foul expression, as if he realized he missed his chance for freedom from the impending tense atmosphere. Shoots a fast look at Dorian- dare he say, Adaar looks like he’s going to sweat a whole summer storm in a few seconds- before looking back ahead firmly in the direction they march.

“You didn’t like the numbers they renamed you.” Cole’s brows furrow underneath those messy, unkempt bangs of his. “She didn't listen to you, and gave you the job you didn't want, too.  _ I thought she was supposed to look out for me. She was supposed to be my new mother. _ You didn't like her, either; why are you so angry at them all?”

“Ah. seems we’re getting into far too many questions for my comfort-”

“ _ New _ mother, huh?  _ Re _ named?” Bull is all frowns, and Dorian makes a face at him, annoyed at the interruption, and at the perpetuation of the tense conversation. Bull doesn't acknowledge him- how insulting.

Okay, sometimes this  _ well oiled team  _ has problems- primarily, Bull picking a fight- rather, hard words, picking hard words, as the two have avoided any fights via Kaayras’ lack of self-defensive comebacks; usually just silence on the end of the bigger qunari, in response to mockery. 

The Tal-Vashoth And The Ben-Hassrath thing was annoying. Very annoying. 

“Stop.”

And even still, that's… not much of a  _ defense  _ from our problematic Herald of Andraste. Even if it's more than the usual silence Kaayras carries in response to Bull’s mockery.

“What, boss? Were you an unruly Imekari? A little brat? Did you  _ lose  _ a couple Tamassran? What of it, boss? Didn't like being a Karashok? Wanted a better job than a foot soldier?”

“ _ I would have liked to be a foot soldier. _ ” The inquisitor finally snaps. His terrible, usually hidden stutter catches on the complexity of the word “would” and in the couple seconds it takes him to stop repeating the difficult suffix, Inquisitor Kaayras only gets  _ more _ frustrated,  _ more  _ angry. 

Frankly, Dorians never heard him stutter so blatantly, let alone twice in the same sentence when he only proceeds to get stuck again on the word ‘soldier’. That said, he’s  _ also  _ never actually seen Kaayras snap  _ back  _ at Bull, especially not over Qunari subjects. 

“So what were you, then? Athlok? Ashaad? An Aqun-Athlok Tamassran?”

“ _ Parshaara! _ ” is spat out of the inquisitor’s mouth with a venom- he stutters even  _ worse _ , and Dorian can't remember hearing Kaayras actually speak a qunlat word unless the common tongue word was the same. Cole gives a flinch at it and Bull has this nasty smug smile about it, and Dorian notes that observation is something purposeful. Kaayras  _ doesn't _ speak qunlat, then, for whatever reason. Hes proven correct: “is that what you want? Using words I don't  _ know, _ so i'll talk like you? Sound like you? Like a  _ Qunari _ ?”

“Oh come on, boss, you know what  _ some _ of those words mean.” 

“ _ Qalaba. _ ”

“Oho, ouch, boss. You know what that one is, then. Rude.”

“This is not what i meant to happen.” Cole’s voice rises in pitch by the end of the sentence, frustrated. “I just wanted to understand, to help.”

“Help the kid out, boss. Tell us about your  _ Parents _ .”

“Do not use my words to hurt, The Iron Bull.” Alarmed and borderline angry, Cole’s turned to the instigating man with a frustrated look, very nearing a glare. 

“Hurt? No one’s being  _ hurt _ , kid. There's just enough secrets, don't you think?”

“Says the man among us named  _ liar _ , weren't you?” Dorian piques up, pointedly. 

Bull ignores him almost completely; talk about  _ rude _ . “Just spit it  _ out _ , man, before this conversation gets ugly.”

“Stop trying to scare him.” Cole scowls.

Kaayras lets out a laugh-  _ well i certainly missed the joke, _ Dorian thinks. It's a boisterous laugh, and ends in an audible snap of teeth, like the horned man is doing some sort of imitation of a shark. 

The laugh goes on just a little too long- but that's fine. At least he’s thinking, again. Dragging out the laugh to think extra on his words, like he usually would. 

Finally, he bites out, “what was the  _ question _ again, Cole?”

The spirit man’s tearing at the thread of his sleeves, and doesn't respond.

Kaayras drags on without him. 

“I believe,” he punctuates, “I was asked why I’m angry at my  _ parents _ \- for what that's worth to the Inquisition, to the world, to anyone who needs the information for  _ some reason _ : Im pissed at my parents. Im pissed at my  _ father,  _ my  _ Tal-Vashoth  _ father, for getting killed. Killed by a Ben-Hassrath asshole that saw him in town. For the  _ other  _ Ben-Hassrath that came, the  _ Arvaarad _ . There’s a word I know,  _ Bull _ . The  _ Arvaarad _ . I’m furious at my father, Cole, because he got killed so  _ easy _ , and  _ Cole _ , im angry at my mother because she was so eager to  _ run away  _ she forgot to count how many  _ kids  _ she escaped with, and  _ one  _ gets left  _ behind.” _

He laughs, hard, again. It's… a bit more hysterical this time. Hysterical, long winded, time taken for focusing on words, pushing away a stutter, figuring out what words to use. Dorian decides he’s not a fan of the particular laugh.

“‘ _ Left behind’ _ . Accident? Purpose? Who knows.” He jokes to himself.

Dorian see’s Cole open his mouth, like he’s about to answer that question. He closes it again without a word. Dorian flinches; he doesn't know how Cole works, doesn't know how Cole  _ would _ know, but unfortunately, the answer seems to be on  _ purpose _ . He’s glad Cole has the piece of conscious not to  _ say  _ that.

“So, Bull, answer me a  _ question _ . Am I Tal-Vashoth for leaving, or am i just a Vashoth for being  _ born  _ outside the qun? What's the view of a Hassrath on what I am?”

Silence.

When Bull doesn't say anything, Cole answers, in that mock-gruff voice reserved for when he imitates Bull. “‘ _ A kidnapped grey child if i’ve ever heard one.’ _ Neither.”

Bull gives Cole a sour look, and Cole meets it head on, less than happy Bull has used words he spoke against the inquisitor in the first place.

Dorian takes his opportunity to silence the damn dreadful conversation.

“Well!” Dorian claps his hands together. “As someone who was born an enemy of the Qunari and their armies, let me be the first to say i do not condone the kidnapping and brainwashing of children! And i also  _ support  _ the idea of not harassing our leading man inquisitor much longer today- and also support that there's been  _ enough _ difficult questions. What’s say we find a way to hold our tongues for the next 2 hours of the journey to skyhold, and all of you  _ remarkably  _ lovely and attractive young men reinstate your focuses on how you’ll all write your mission reports, instead!”

And, now, the bliss of silence. 

_ Almost _ .

“I’m sorry for snapping at you, Cole.” is blurted out 30 minutes into peaceful quiet. Cole looks up from watching the ground. “I know you were trying to help.”

“...im sorry fathers and parents are so hard to understand, for all of us.”

Kaayras laughs, quietly. “You have one? Any parents?”

“Yes.”

“Good, or bad?”

“...bad, i think. Cole was scared.”

The inquisitor gives a long, deep breath that makes his large shoulders shake. “You and I can talk about fathers, Cole. Ill answer your questions if i can. Fathers, parents, Tamassarans, all of it, if you like. But like Dorian said.” he looks over his shoulder again, and gives that half smile to the spirit boy. “This isn't… for walking around. We can talk at Skyhold. Alone. Okay?”

Cole nods his head. “Thank you, Kaayras.”

The rest of the trip is, blissfully, silent.

**Author's Note:**

> folks ive got a few works already revised for this work but im not posting much of it because i am STILL dreading trying to write Vivienne and Sera pov. so badly. im dying inside.
> 
> anyway- happy halloween.


End file.
